Be Water; Cleanse

Be Water; Cleanse

For as long as I can remember, the majority of people I came in contact with have used my easy going nature to try and mold me into what they wanted me to be.
It’s normal I guess - Water takes the shape of the container it is put in.

And I’ve been so naive as to think there may be something to learn from them and so I gave into their manipulation.

What these people have failed to take into account though is that Water is not vengeful but, through patience and resilience, it will exert its power and, eventually, will find a way to shape its own path, whether by carving it in the hardest rock or even by breaking through the dams.
I hereby stand, today, to let these people (and others like them) know that it is time for Me to exert my own power, my inner strength and forge my own path, despite their projections, deflections, devaluations or pretences. And why Today?
Well, because it’s the 1st of February.
February - named after the Latin term februum, which means "purification". In the Roman times, this was done through the Februa (purification) ritual which was held on February the 15th (full moon) of the old lunar Roman calendar.
And so today I am setting and stating my intention for this upcoming "event".

I am, at last, giving into and, in fact, fully embracing my true Watery nature :)

Home

Home.
Someone asked me once if I felt at Home - right there, where I was at the time.
I didn't get to answer him. But, after some time, I answered myself - I wasn't. And it saddened me.
Ever since, every now and then, I do an internal check - I ask myself that question again and wait for my internal compass to answer. :)

So what is Home?
Is it a place?
Is it the people in that place?
Is it the weather?
Is it the neighbours?
Is it the laws?
Is it as close as possible to your place of birth?


I donno what it is for you but for me... well, for me it's this tiny little and very selective place inside of me where Love and Joy are always present just because, where the warmth of the Sun and the freshness of the Rain are always felt. It's this tiny place in my inner being where I'm worthy and loved without conditions, where I'm at peace, I'm joyful and innocent as a child, where I can play with dreams and weave them at ease.

And I'm Home now :)

"Thanksgiving"

Today, out of all the days, I want to give thanks.
I'm not a religious person but today I'm beyond Grateful!

It all started with one setback in my daily schedule, generating another one, and another one, and another one. By noon I was feeling warn-down more and more. But then, at lunch time, I had a walk and a chat with my best friend and that changed everything!
With the openness of his mind and the kindness of his heart he helped me shift my attitude towards today's "setup". He helped me change my perspective on things.
After this everything went not only smooth but the day brought quite a few achievements. I'm not saying a miracle happened. Those achievements came after quite some hard work and late hours in the office but my attitude changed my energy levels and instead of vibrating "I can't", I was rising up in "there's nothing I can't do" like in an echoing response.

And now, towards the end of the day, wrapping my mind around its course, I am realizing how lucky I am! :)

So coming back to giving thanks and being grateful...

I am grateful for my family!
I am grateful for my best friend!
I am grateful for all of my friends!

Just as much as I'm grateful to all of those that hurt me, lied to me, betrayed me, conditioned me, judged me, restricted me, humiliated me, belittled me. You've all taught me very valuable lessons. I am a lot wiser today thanks to you!

And all of this would've probably not been possible without all of those that ARE my friends. They have loved me and that gave me strength to go through it all. These people, that respected me and nurtured me and treated me with kindness and truthfulness, are always with me, in my thoughts and in my heart. I am grateful for you all!!

And to conclude, I guess I'll always be in love with Humans.
Even though some are mean and cruel and destructive, there are always the other ones, pure and innocent and kind, just to keep the balance ;-) They are the ones that make me feel grateful for being a human too :)

So here's to you, My Humans :)
May you live long and prosperous!

Sentiment de... Toamna

Imi zicea deunazi un Suflet drag ca Toamna e frumoasa, cea mai frumoasa.

Si totusi pan'-Acum i-am vazut doar fata aceea usor melancolica, usor nostalica.. nostalgica dupa Vara, dupa Soare, dupa brize dulci la mare, dupa ploaia cu fulgere si tunete cazuta pe frunzele de tei si care te lasa cu gust de ceai in simturi.
E ca o tristete ancestrala plina de-un ceva nedefinit.
Poate-i nostalgia copilariei si constientizarea pierderii inocentei. Poate-i dorul libertatii verii, al energiei, al creatiei.
Sau poate-i doar tristetea faptului ca suntem tot mai neliberi, mai incorsetati si izolati, creandu-ne regrete pentru mai tarziu, neliberi sa simtim cu adevarat, cu toata inima, fara a lasa mintea sa ne-o judece, neliberi caci ne pierdem timpul in lucruri, dar nu realizam ca, pentru a crea, la fel de necesara precum ratiunea e si simtirea.
Poate-s nostalgia iubirii, tristetea intelegerii si pacea acceptarii toate intr-una.

Realizez ca pana-Aici am simtit Toamna ca pe o prefigurare a Iernii, o purificare - dar nu prin foc ci prin lacrimi, un Apus al ceea ce e Viu.
Dar... Iubesc apusurile! Sunt asa adanci, si pline, si-nvaluitoare, ca o imbratisare.

...

Nu e nici prea cald, nici prea frig. Te poti plimba linistit cu motorul, complet echipat si ti-e numa' bine.
Plajele sunt semipustii si privindu-le te cuprinde un sentiment de salbaticie.
Ploaia, zicea el, e adorabila toamna si mirosul de dupa e mai puternic decat vara. Toamna serile sunt racoroase dar doar cat sa te indemne la imbratisari calde. Iar padurile arata de vis cu ale lor zeci de nuante care-ti bubuie retina cu bogatia lor. Si mai e covorul de frunze de pe sosea care cand bate vantul iti da o senzatie ireala, de... ireal.

E miraculoasa Toamna in minunatia ei... cand e boema.

Viata-n Vis sau Vis in Viata?

Un zambet ofilit atarna de o gura rece cu buze palide.
De deasupra, ochi injectati de nesomnul lacrimilor privesc in gol la infinit.
Mai jos, o inima abia palpaind a viata inca tremura la speranta auzului unor pasi.
O poarta un trup in uscare, scurs de vlaga.
Pasi mici, nesiguri le duc pe toate catre Niciunde intr-o nepasare deplina.

Candva cu toatele radeau vesele.
Sufletul ce le fiinta era viu.
Acum e doar un bolnav in stadiu terminal.
Isi traieste ultimele zvacniri.
Clipele-i trecute desfasurandu-i-se prin fata ii amintesc de momente fierbinti si-ai zice c-or sa-i dea forta sa se ridice din patul de muribund... dar nu. Nici nu mai vrea.
Era un suflet tanar mai acu vreo 2 luni. A imbatranit peste noapte iar la zi Luna Plina il lasase cu tot parul alb, riduri incrustate-n piele si licarul de speranta ajunsese sa i se stinga-n ochi cu fiece clipa.

"S-a-ntamplat" un lucru banal, simplu, prin care trec cu totii cel putin o data in viata.
Si-a dat sufletul. Dar n-a ascultat de Iorga, nu si l-a dat cuiva ce i-l daduse la randu'-i. Si, ca-n orice, pe principiul o veste buna si-una rea, si l-a primit 'napoi doar ca la primire era asa de mototolit, ciobit, innegrit si infrigurat ca nu mai poate fi salvat.


Tiiii-Tiii-Tiiii-Tiii-Tiiii-Tiii-Tiiiiiiiii-Tiii-Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-_____________________
A murit.

...Ii vor arde Omul in crematoriu si-i vor raspandi cenusa peste Munti si peste Mare... doar un caine e prezent la "inmormantare". Scheauna si urla la Luna-n noapte de vreo doua saptamani. Simtise el ceva. Erau legati dintr-o-ncarnare anterioara.

Acum e linistit. Privirea i s-a limpezit, parca s-a ridicat ceata. Ciudat. Nu-i e nici cald nici frig. Se cauta pe dinauntru sa vada ce mai e acolo din simtamintele nutrite candva. Nimic. Gol. Ca un castel de gheata, cu sute de camere inalte, frumoase, reci si pustii.

In spatele-i se-aude o voce metalica. Ii spune ca i-a venit randul la intrevedere.
Intra speriat dar mirat si curios intr-o incapere orbitor de luminoasa. Era o lumina calda, invaluitoare, calma, ca prezenta Mamei. Cand Lumina a inceput sa vorbeasca a simtit timbrul vocii Tatalui, calm, afectuos, dar inflexibil si sever. Si-atunci a realizat ca erau amandoi acolo, si Mama, si Tata... erau Sinele.

- Linisteste-te. E doar o discutie. Nu e o judecata, nu e o condamnare. Vrem doar sa-ti punem cateva intrebari. Sa aflam cum ti-a fost, sa ne dam seama cum putem ajusta lucrurile pentru versiunea urmatoare :)

- Da, in regula, a ingaimat pierit.

- Ce-ai invatat din aceasta cea mai recenta fiintare?

- Ha! Extrem de simplu. Inima, acea componenta materiala, n-are voie sa aiba intaietate in fata noastra, a Sufletelor! Cand are prioritate face numai prostii si Noi sfarsim prin a fi trimisi inapoi in alte trupuri.

- Sa-ntelegem ca ai deja in minte o propunere de imbunatatire?!

- Da. Da. Absolut! Omului n-ar trebui sa-i fie permis sa aleaga Inima deasupra Sufletului. Omul meu a facut asta si l-a dus la un sfarsit trist, plin de singuratate si durere. Iar in egoismul lui, nu s-a gandit ca-mi curma si mie drumul, ca durerea lui eu o simt inzecit.

Simtea cum se-nfierbanta la amintirea durerii sufocante care-i storcea parca viata in cele din urma zile ale trupului avut cel mai recent.
Si deodata ochii ii erau tot mai grei, privirea tot mai tulbure si parca plutea si era foaaarte cald... doua maini dragi, una mai dura, alta mai moale, il tineau si-l mangaiau si-i sopteau incet, cu tandrete "E doar un vis! Omul tau n-a murit, sufera doar. Inima, cea pe care tu o condamni atata, ii moare in el cate putin in fiecare clipa dar Omul o sa supravietuiasca. Si cand Inima-i va fi murit cu totul, o sa fii tu cel mai important, tu vei avea intaietate! O sa primesti ce ti-ai dorit. Linisteste-te acum, dormi, te odihneste si-apoi te trezeste sa-ti sprijini Omul. Va avea nevoie."

The Brick

There are moments in time when you build, build yourself, build others, build around you. You build for future, for long term future, not for a day or two, not for a few months, you build for years.
While building you might not always see all the implications, you might not see the complete picture of the impact that each brick that you put in your wall might have in the long run. You take into account their strength, their wit, their capability for working hard, their desire to build, to grow.
But, then again, maybe you don't see at that point all the defining details which make that brick what and who she actually is.
And after some time, when you thought the wall was strong enough you think of giving the bricks their freedom to do their own building.
(Whether this was a mistake or not, or that maybe the material the bricks were made of wasn't a strong enough one it's just for history to tell now.)
Then out of nowhere, when you think all you've worked for is lost, there comes this small but beautiful young brick that sees inside you, sees the pain of your soul and tries to comfort you, tries to heal your wound the best she knows how.
Being hurt, on un-solid ground, with your confidence shredded, your building thorn to pieces and your dreams though filled with good intentions broken, you give in to the warm embrace of the little beautiful brick and you let yourself nourished.
As time goes by, your wound heals, your lessons are analyzed and hopefully learned or at least sorted, label and placed in a special place of your memory and you start inquiring the little brick, trying to find out what triggered her into helping you when no other was around to care for you.
And so, question by question, day by day, word by word, look by look, touch by touch, suddenly, one day, you realize what you have in front of you is one of the most amazing souls that you had the chance and honor to cross paths with during this life. A beautiful being that encourages you, through all that she's doing, to keep believing in humans, to keep striving for better, to re-start building even after the wall got thorn apart. She shows you your true nature and that maybe the reason for your "failure" wasn't what you thought initially but makes you question whether this wasn't rather a sign of you not being on your path anymore.
And days and weeks and months go by and she becomes your friend.

And then, one crazy day, you both find out that you think alike, feel alike, act alike, that, even though so different, you are soul sisters. And this hits you but in a nice, fuzzy, warm way and makes you realize, again, that life is beautiful!


Here's to friends - I love you all!

And moreover, here's to that special friend that was at my side all the way for the most recent 3-4 months: my affection for you goes beyond words!

Cadou

Azi a fost o zi ca toate zilele.

Si totusi nu :) "s-a intamplat" ceva, un ceva a carui profunzime am realizat-o tarziu, dupa cateva ceasuri bune, dupa ce m-am retras in spatiu'-mi propriu si-am avut timp sa analizez.
De fapt nici n-a fost necesar sa analizez, mi-a venit pur si simplu, ca un gand extrem de bine conturat in minte, parca ar fi fost ideea altcuiva sau ar fi fost gandita cu mult timp inainte si ramasa acolo-n asteptarea implinirii.
O fiinta draga-mi, o persoana inteligenta si, desi cu multe frici si incertitudini doar banuite si nedescoperite inca intru totul, un personaj cu multa incredere in fortele proprii, astazi, mi-a cerut parerea legat de o activitate pe care tocmai o pusese-n scena.
Sa ne-ntelegem, imi cere des parerea, nu e ceva nemaintalnit. Dar astazi...astazi a facut-o in modul cel mai inocent posibil, in modul cel mai infrigurat de nesiguranta, in acelasi mod in care un copil cere parerea unuia dintre parinti, cautandu-i aprobarea, sperand ca cel varstnic sa-i arate mandria pe care vlastarul a incercat sa i-o sadeasca in suflet prin fapta sa.
Ei da, asta am simtit azi.
Ce nu stie aceasta fiinta e ca pe parcursul intregii puneri in scena a activitatii sale i-am fost alaturi, incercand sa-i dau din energia mea s-o foloseasca drept stalp de sprijin. Imi cauta din ochi privirea cand pierdea din siguranta si-l incoltea teama de esec si i-i inveleam pe cat puteam cu caldura, cu zambet izvorat din suflet.
Cand a fost totul gata i-am spus ceea ce simtea nevoia sa auda si, pe de alta parte, era si intru totul adevarat: da, m-a facut mandra! :)
Era deja destins cand a primit raspunsul si-abia atunci am constientizat si eu sustinerea de care nici el, inainte, nu stiuse.

Poate ca suna egoist, dar ma simt extraordinar de bine acum stiind c-am reusit sa ajut chiar si numai c-un dram de caldura!
E bine, e just, e admirabil sa ajuti cand poti.. dar, cand mai reusesti sa si vezi realizarea celui ajutat, o bucurie imensa iti inunda sufletul!

Asa ca, suflet frumos, iti multumesc pentru acest cadou nepretuit!